Mission For Nipples: Day 1

Inspired [pressured?] by my own public declaration to make these nipples happen for myself I spent the day doing some in person research for the right artist. I met some really cool people and got to talk to several of the artists that are affiliated with P.ink, an organization that helps connect breast cancer survivors with artists for post mastectomy tattoos. So I met a few of the artists and there are a few more that I still want to meet before making my decision. The one thing that’s bothering me is the lack of pictures. It’s hard to choose an artist without seeing their work. The variables: color, scarring, with a nipple, without a nipple. So I am still confused but I feel better that I bit the bullet and got out there and started the process.

I wear my heart on my breast

Valentine’s Day is coming up and this February the heart has a special significance for me. I’ve been pushing this off for a long time but I think I’m ready for that next step in my journey. And that is nipples. When I first made the decision to have a double mastectomy with diep flap reconstruction I was certain that I would not have nipple reconstruction. I wanted some pretty little tattoos, not areola but maybe a little mandala or some stars roses perhaps. I knew I didn’t want a tattoo that covered the whole breast. I finally decided on hearts. I want them to be colored like a nipple but shaped like a heart.
Like everything else that didn’t turn out anything like I’d planned for…I did get nipples. And I’m so glad I did. My plastic surgeon told me “yes, I’m doing it, trust me” and I did. And when I woke up I was horrified. They weren’t exactly even, one of them kinda leaned toward one side, and there’s the obvious redness and swelling and the stitches that made me doubt that they’d ever look normal. But as they healed I was LOVING them. I’d had a lift and reduction during that same surgery so I often didn’t wear a bra. It was summer and I was brazenly showing them off, for the first time not trying to hide my hardened nipples.
But I still haven’t gotten around to the tattoos. There’s the financial aspect, I’m not working so I don’t have much money but mainly I’m scared. I don’t know who to go to, what if I don’t like it once it’s done, is it gonna hurt, who will I go with, ehhhhhhh I start thinking about it and just push it off. But I think it’s time. There was a sense of completion and wholeness that getting my nipples brought me, it wasn’t expected but it was wonderful. I’m fairly sure the tattoos will do the same. So I’m aiming for the 14th I think it would be super cute to get them on Valentine’s Day. Which means I should start looking for an artist?! If anyone has suggestions I would really really appreciate it!

DISCLAIMER:

I am cancer free. My chemo is complete, I had no radiation, my reconstruction is done. I’ve been declared medically fabulous 🙄

To me this is such an important distinction…cuz if your going though any of that now it’s 100% different.. Fuck me-I’m on the other side of it. Maybe I was just salty  but I think it’s different and thus, important to mention.

That being said…